BY JOE AUDRITT (@JOEAUDRITT)
This year I will have to sink an awful lot of sherry to forget all the woes of the country long enough to summon any festive cheer.
It shouldn’t take too many Sherries to forget the brewing social civil war between the haves and the have not. I shall quickly stop worrying that the frosty reception at the EU for Theresa May could lead to a poor Brexit deal for Britain after a glass or two. Equally I shall stop concerning myself that smartphones are stealing everyone’s soul as people endlessly compete for Facebook likes in between bouts of scan reading fake news.
A couple more glasses and I might even begin to find it funny that the opposition to the government is led by a 1970’s geography teacher from a comprehensive school who has quantum leaped into the present day to promote communism.
Depending on how liberal Mother has been with the brandy on the Christmas pudding, the subsequent alcohol induced mental fog should cloud the memory of cancelled grammar schools. A self-harm approach by the government to not give the opportunity for smart, disadvantaged kids to get into schools that practice good schooling.
The fog should also hide from me the prison system being remodelled to a third-world standard, a failing social care system left to the Grim Reaper to solve, and a housing crisis that can probably only be resolved, at this point, by the construction of favelas.
If I am fortunate enough that Grandad starts sharing out the shots of whiskey we can all briefly forget the endless revelations of historical child abuse allegations and make an ironic drunken toast to the white male becoming the most hated group on earth.
But only when I am unconscious will I forget that Jamie Oliver will soon make me pay an extra tax on my beloved fizzy drinks because parents cannot be relied upon to keep their children from getting fat.
Merry Christmas and a happy New Year everyone!