Brexit – The Chaos That I Voted For

Throughout the referendum the arguments were essentially billed as Immigration vs Economy. It was generally assumed if you voted leave you wanted the number of immigrants allowed into the country to shrink. If you voted remain you wanted a stable economy. For me personally however it came down to Chaos vs Mundanity. The choice between the chaos of leaving the EU, or the mundanity of staying.

I’m not quite sure what the Remain camp are still complaining about? Britain’s vote to hit the ejector seat button on the EU has given us some great things. First of which was David Cameron’s resignation. We certainly should not be sorry that a man who cannot remember which football team he pretends to support is forced out of Number 10 due to his own incompetence.

Remainers should also be grateful to see Nigel Farage resign and enjoy his journey into irrelevance along with his party. The vote to leave means UKIP now have no cause in which to rally bigoted Neanderthals into a toxic political conversation.

The thing that was truly terrifying about voting to leave was the prospect that Boris Johnson may actually become Prime Minister. Johnson may be a lovable albino buffoon but he is not someone you really want negotiating Britain’s future. But thanks to Michael Gove we have been spared this indignity and all Brits are once again at liberty to laugh at America potentially awarding Donald Trump the US Presidency.

Like most people I’m cynical about politicians. In fact I go as far as to say I’m actively prejudice – but I have yet to discover a reason to hate Gove. He managed to maintain a certain level of dignity and calm during the referendum and when asked during a debate whether he wanted to be PM or not he was adamant that he didn’t want that job. And I believed him.

I thought I had been duped when the next thing I know is Gove putting himself forward for the Tory leadership. But as things unfolded it became apparent his sudden aspirations to become PM where merely an opportunity to scupper Johnson’s own chances at the top spot. Something which we should all thank Gove for.

Meanwhile… Labour MP’s gather with pitchforks and torches in anticipation for the public lynching of Jeremy Corbyn. Fortunately for Corbyn he is peacefully asleep in his favourite chair and completely oblivious to his impending demise. If I am honest with myself, I’m starting to feel just a smidge of admiration for Corbyn. I still maintain the man is about as effective as a Wrigley’s Airways in sewage works but there is something to be said for a man who couldn’t care less that the majority of his own party want his head.

After repeated refusal to step down, Angela Eagle stepped up to formally challenge Corbyn to a leadership contest. No wonder Corbyn seems so relaxed. He needn’t worry about being dethroned if Eagle – whose voice is weaker than Ronaldo’s knees – is the one Labour push to the front of the mob to challenge him.

Her challenge to the leadership didn’t get off to the greatest of starts when she held a press conference to kick-off her campaign that the press didn’t actually bother turning up to. The only way she could be deemed successful now is if she swapped sides and joined the Corbynites.

Back to the other side of the house… The Tories have settled their leadership contest rather more amicably than Labour – by having everyone quit.

I hadn’t forseen Theresa May becoming PM after a vote for Brexit and I can’t say I’m excited about it. Although in fairness she is almost certainly (and annoyingly) the best of the choice that was on offer.

May’s last opponent, Andrea Leadsom made a big mistake in bringing up Motherhood – suggesting she would make a better PM because she is a mother and May is not. I hadn’t before known of each of their maternal status’ and didn’t much care. Now that I do know – I reason that May is clearly the more credible candidate.

All Leadsom achieved was to draw light to the fact Theresa May has no doubt been successful in her career because she has never asked an employer to pay for her maternity leave. May hasn’t spent her time messing about with nappies or breast feeding – she has been out there, getting stuff done. More importantly, she hasn’t been telling anyone in a job interview that she’d be great because she has popped little people out of her woo-woo.

So this is the chaos that I voted for. Goodbye Cameron. Goodbye Farage. Good luck Boris – on the next series of Have I Got News For You where you belong.

Let us all welcome the era of Theresa May, soon to be let loose with the premiership of the country unhampered by a bothersome mandate…

Further Reading: Chilcot: He is NOT sorry – SHOCK HORROR


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