EU Sludge

Following the EU debate has become like necking a shot glass of snot with a sprinkling of grated faeces every morning and spending the rest of the day picking bits of shit out of your teeth.

The campaign has essentially been boiled down to Project Fear vs Project Mayhem. In one corner the disintegration of the economy, the abolishment of worker rights and the prelude to World War 3. In the opposing corner; a revamp of Hitler’s Europe, a collapse of the NHS and the purge of fruit and veg that isn’t the correct shape.

This is my very first political campaign that I could possibly claim to have ‘followed’ and I have learnt a couple of curious things. It really is just a shit flinging championship between politicians and when campaigns are accused of fear mongering, rather than becoming more sensible – the claims become even more ridiculous. And it’s worked. I am currently so terrified of either result I am wondering just why the hell we are having this referendum in the first place?

It was also interesting to discover that there is no such thing as ‘facts’ – at least not in the world of politics. The only fact is that on the 23 June we are having a referendum – other than we all might as well consult our horoscope.

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The Sun today came out for Brexit SHOCK HORROR, the polls show the leave vote is ahead and David Cameron takes a back seat from the remain campaign and leaves the floor to Jeremy Corbyn. Well why not? Cameron is almost certainly going to lose his leadership over this referendum, he might as well sit out the remainder of the debate and laugh at Corbyn with the rest of us.

Whose idea was it to send out Corbyn to appeal to Labour voters? The man can’t even appeal to Labour politicians. Whenever it is his turn to speak in parliament the Labour backbench takes a nap. He will struggle to convince me to remain in the EU when he can’t even persuade people to stay awake.

I can’t tell what his suits are made from, just that anyone wearing it cannot be taken seriously. If clothes make the man his suits must be cut from the finest corduroy incompetence and hashed together with weak antique stitching. Corbyn has all the charisma of a hemp turd in a pint glass.

I’ve never seen Corbyn bellow the knee (a fact I am very grateful for) but it wouldn’t surprise me to find a pair of saddles there along with a set of disgusting hippy yellow toenails that he files down with an environmentally friendly leaf. Or quiet possibly the only way his toenails are groomed and shortened is; he goes out walking in the woods barefoot the same way a dog keeps their claws short.

…And that is were I stand on the EU debate.

*They are all a bunch of lying deceitful bastards… except Corbyn – who is a stray dog.

Previously on EU Sludge:

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