This Week in News: The Panama Position

The wealthy elite are stealing from us SHOCK HORROR! The ruling classes of the world, charged with collecting taxes (among other things) don’t seem to be that keen on paying their own. The Panama Papers in the news this week have mercifully broken the monotony of the EU debate.

I’ve just discovered the world is run by crooks. 

At a time when tax evaders have overtaken zombies on everyday societies’ hit list – world leaders get caught hiding their money to avoid paying tax. Fortunately for them, avoiding paying tax is not illegal. Unlike tax evasion which is illegal. I’m not sure what the difference is but I’m assuming it is the government who ultimately decides what the difference is… When it suits them.

The Icelandic Prime Minister has resigned over the revelations in the Panama Papers, the football people are involved as is China, Ukraine, Iraq, Saudia Arabia, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, Syria, South Africa, Pakistan and Vladimir Putin is somehow implicated – despite his name not appearing anywhere on any of the 11 million documents. I can’t imagine popular opinion was surprised to read Putin may be involved in some skull duggery. His name not being present anywhere amongst the files makes me think he is the true leader of the illuminati. He might just be powerful enough to buy anonymity even when everyone knows who he is.

David Cameron unleashed a huge PR campaign this week to prove he has never tried to avoid any tax… No wait, instead he took 5 days releasing 5 vague statements and spent 9 million on pro EU propaganda. Can we not sack him? Like, really? If he works for the people, people are his boss and we can sack him, right?

Wrong! Instead we can campaign for his resignation which is a little like asking someone if they wouldn’t mind firing a bullet into their own head when we could just shoot him in the face ourselves!

So this is who we have running the country, a greedy B’Stard and a cabinet full of monsters. Teresa May has taken to government the same way Dolores Umbridge would. She won’t stop taking away our freedoms until the entire country is as miserable as she is. You can not play quidditch, you can not eat every-flavour-beans and you cannot w**k over the internet without us watching you!

The Chancellor, George Osbourne is a man who can’t quite manage to stifle a smirk when told on live television that his policies have caused people to commit suicide and who’s hobbies include pushing poor people out of their wheelchairs.

He’ll be pleased he wasn’t in the news this week.

And who do we have opposing all this? Well certainly not Nick Clegg – who cannot be heard from the bowels of irrelevance with nothing to eat but the scraps of poor student’s hopes. Farage has been unusually quiet. Either he has some tax affairs of his own that he would rather have go unnoticed or he is simply too drunk to appear on television.

Then there is Jeremy Corbyn – who has all the charisma of an empty packet of Werther’s Originals. Honestly, where did they find this guy? He looks like a man who can’t wait to go and have a nap after something as strenuous as a breakfast interview with Susanna Reid. How is he going to stop North Korea from killing us all – but not before Putin kicks everyone of us individually in the throat and then have us polish his shoes?

Corbyn probably wont cut it. Is there anyone who is competent and also not abhorrently greedy? The sad thing is, it might be that the types of people who cheat on their taxes to acquire more money and power are the types of people we need to fend of the likes of Putin. The type of person who will lie cheat and steal to get ahead because they have to.

The little people – we just pay for it.

Meanwhile in America – I’m never going to Wisconsin. It  has voted for someone even more right wing than Donald Trump. Donald f***ing Trump isn’t right wing enough for these guys. The future is going to be a s*** show.

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